- A woman in her thirties clings her hands together...
'I don't understand what happened to us. We used to be so close and now we just argue about everything. He does hear me anymore. When I try to explain to him that our relationship needs attention, he rolls his eyes and tells me he has other things to do. And even when we manage to talk he gets irritated so easily. It drives me mad. I cry and he doesn't even care.'
- A man looks tired and gazes out of the window...
'It is pointless to talk about it. She always complains. Nothing is right for her anymore. I'm tired of these arguments. She just gives me a hard time over every small mistake I make. I'm walking on eggshells all the time.'
This couple have been fighting for their relationship for a long time. They both have their own strategies that they are not yet aware of.
The woman is trying hard to reach for her partner and when it doesn't work she is getting louder and louder, trying to be heard. He sees her criticism and is trying to get away from it, trying to leave her alone, but the further away he gets the more persistent she is. The more persistent she is the more he wants to escape. She sees him as distant and cold, he sees her as angry and attacking.
This couple is stuck in a the classic dance of pain. They are trapped but don't see the trap. It stays hidden from them, doing a great job of moving them apart.
They love each other and have made numerous attempts to save their relationship. But the cycle keeps coming back leaving them both exhausted and alone.
They don't yet see that this cycle took over their relationship
and now has a life of it's own.
They keep losing each other despite their commitment and strong desire to make this relationship work. They are confused and starting to lose hope. The good news is, this couple doesn't have to fight alone.
It's no longer a mystery how partners lose their connection and how they can realign. When our connection is strong we can deal with whatever practical challenges life throws at us.
Emotionally Focused Therapy is an approach based on the science of love. It helps couples to identify the enemy of their relationship - the cycle itself - and team up against it.
There are THREE CLEAR STAGES in the process:
STAGE 1 - Identifying the trap and deescalating conflicts.
STAGE 2 - Building emotional intimacy
STAGE 3 - Creating specific steps to keep the connection strong for the future.
With these three stages you can begin the journey toward a stronger and more healthy relationship.